When I was in middle-school, I was bullied. There were two kids that always called me names like “snuffles”, “sniffles”, or my very favorite “Hey how you doin today sniffs?” I had extremely low self esteem and my confidence was shattered just about every day.
I had terrible allergies as a child that continued into my high school years. I was allergic to anything and everything. When I finally got tested at an allergist years later, It was determined that indeed I had a reaction to almost every allergen.
Because of this, I had to deal with the ridicule of peers that just wouldn’t leave me alone. I had to interact with them daily and it got to the point in high school that I had to speak up.
This was HARD!
My teacher, bless her heart, stepped in and scared them straight. She even had the school police officer talk to them and make it serious. Luckily, it stopped and I spent the rest of my high school years in relative nerdy bliss.
However, those types of stories all too commonly don’t end well, and probably most aren’t as lucky as me. It could have very easily happened that telling my teacher incited anger and resentment from the bullies, and instead of calling me names or flipping my ear with their thumbs, I might have ended up with a black eye or worse. This situation could have derailed my confidence levels and sent me on a really rough path.
I was lucky, but some people aren’t. Some people end up losing all faith in their own value and their own worth. This type of thing breaks my heart (and is ultimately why this blog is up) and I want people everywhere to know that there is something that can be done about it. That there are indeed ways that you can raise your own low self esteem right now, and start building confidence today.
To provide the best answers I have connected with 19 other authors and influencers in the field of personal development in order to bring you the very best that the internet has to offer. I am so excited to share this with you, so lets dive in shall we?
I asked several authors and influencers in the personal development/motivational field the following question:
“What is one easy action step you would suggest that someone with low self-esteem take today to improve their self-confidence?
19 responded, and I am SO thankful to them for sharing their wisdom. A huge round of applause for everyone listed here.
Here is what they had to say. SO excited to share this with you all!
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Here is what Kirstie had to say:
“Self-esteem is a mindset, and it starts by redefining success. Make your success about facing fears, whether or not doing so worked out in your favor. Because over the long term, facing fears always works out in our favor, no matter what the initial outcome may be.
Think of it this way: you get on stage to perform a comedy act, and you get booed off by the crowd. Or you submit your essay to a writing contest only to have it ripped apart by the judges. These so-called failures initially may seem like fiascos, but in truth they are successes because they require courage to even attempt.
And they are also steps on the path to success. So begin to track every fear faced as a success. You see, self-esteem isn’t some magic potion that you suddenly wake up with one day, but instead it’s a choice: a choice to say I will rock with confidence, and I’ll do so by focusing on being proud of every move I make to face my fears today.
One of the best ways to track you fear-facing successes is to simply journal them. Then go back through and read them back to yourself periodically. This is especially helpful when you feel like you need a boost of self-esteem and courage in order to face the next fear head on. The great news is that each fear faced makes the next one that much easier to face. And doing so is like climbing the world’s most majestic mountain – it boosts you higher toward your true limitless self.”
Eric answered the question:
How did Ciara answer the question? As follows:
Sid Answer the question: “What is one easy action step that someone with low self-esteem should take today to improve their self-confidence?” As follows:
“”This may not be easy, but try to honestly think about who makes you feel good to be around them and who seems to always try to one-up you, or treat you as a lesser person. Spend more time with people that make you feel good about yourself and less time with those whose attitude has a negative impact on you.
The extreme version of this is a mastermind, and the time I spend with my masterminds and mentors I find valuable for actually learning, but also for my positive self image – even when they are critical, it’s typically in a way that makes me feel like they want me to get better vs. just insulting me.”
Courtney provides her wisdom on the subject of low self-esteem.
“I recommend writing every day and especially when you aren’t feeling “good enough” or you are feeling concerned about what other people think. We often let our minds get carried away telling stories that may not be true. Instead write down your thoughts and feelings. When you see them on paper you can better assess what’s real and what isn’t. It really helps to put things in perspective and puts a stop to a runaway inner critic.
Keep in mind that what you write is just for you. Don’t edit, just write. When you are done writing, close your notebook and go for a walk. When you come back, read what you wrote and decide what’s true, what’s not, what you should spend your time thinking about and what you should let go of.”
Here is what Michal has to say on the subject of low self-esteem:
“First of all, whatever step you decide on, you should take it today and every day for as long as you need to in order to achieve your desired result. Getting started is only half the battle.
My tip is to start spending more time with people with high self-esteem. Not bullies, (like people who can intimidate you and whose confidence grow from making others feel small), but spend time with those who draw their self-esteem from their integrity.
People are natural sponges. Simply spend more time with such people and you cannot help but improve your self-esteem as well. Just remember, to do it regularly. It’s better to sign up for extra-curricular activities, join an interest group, or go to lunch with people you look up to rather than go on your own.
Find a mentor or ask your self-confident friend to start some recurring activity together. Even if it will be totally unrelated to your objective of improving your self-esteem, you will achieve it just by being around someone that is more confident.”
Nadalie shares her thoughts on how people can rise up from their low self esteem:
“Anytime I am struggling with issues of self-confidence and just lacking that believe in myself I know I need to just get out of my head. When things get challenging it’s so easy to almost drown yourself in thoughts of failure, fear or doubt. But if you can somehow snap yourself out of it, you can bounce back. To do this I get up, turn on an amazing playlist and just start moving my body.
The key is to find songs that just makes me feel incredible and invincible when you listen to it. I am convinced that there’s nothing a great song or two can’t make better. The music drowns out the negative thoughts. Finding an anthem that helps you believe in yourself is a bonus too. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have to do this on the regular, so i think building in a mid-day dance break is to your benefit.”
Harleena shares her thoughts on low self-esteem:
“As not all our fingers are created equal, we’re not good in everything. But that does not mean we are good for nothing because we all are good at something! It’s that something you’ve to look for and focus on, which can be some ability or skill. Focus on the positives. That will make you feel good and happy about yourself.
You do not have to be the best. If you can do something to be helpful and useful to yourself or to others, it is good enough. Be content with yourself; avoid the negatives and never compare yourself with others. Just focus on what you’re good at. Once you start believing in your special ability or skill, you will feel more confident and valuable. You’ll have a new purpose in life.”
What’s another easy action step that someone with low self-esteem should take today to improve their self-confidence?” Here is what Dragos says:
“Two words: small things.
Now, in a few more words: small things, made consistently. Like setting yourself up to do 5 pushups per day. Not 50, not 500, only 5. But do them each and every day. Religiously. Even if you’re having a meltdown, even if you’re at the end of the rope, there will still be some energy left for just 5 pushups. Brush yourself up, get on the floor and start doing those 5 pushups.
The results won’t come instantly. Give it some time, like a week or two, until the habit formation patterns kick in. From there, it will be pretty much on autopilot.
And even if you’re having the worst day of your life, even if you’re constantly telling yourself stories of unworthiness, there will always be this little thing that you did each and every day. 5 pushups. You can’t be a total looser. You did at least 5 pushups for the last 2 months, didn’t you?
Now, if you got the idea, try to replace “pushups” with every other action that will lift yourself up. Saving 50 cents each day. Doing a minimal act of random kindness each day.
Writing 50 words in your book. Each and every day.
All big things are made of little things stacked together.”
Kael’s been running his site –Growth Guided– since 2012. He is a super sensitive, educated, loving, charming, one hell of a nice guy (relatively humble too!). He is a God-loving spiritual warrior who is in long term recovery. He is also a HUGE advocate for mental health.
Please feel free to connect with him through the Twitter machine @GrowthGuided.
Kael from Growth guided adds his two cents on self esteem:
Asking someone to recognize their own worth or value in this world is often a daunting task for someone who has felt insignificant for years. We often offer the typical suggestions like reading a self-help book, getting in front of a mirror to do affirmations, or maybe even opening a spiritual text to see just how greatly valued you are in God’s eye and then start to internalize the idea as a core belief.
These are all wonderful ideas, but generally take a lot of practice before you start feeling the benefits of each practice within. If much change isn’t felt relatively quickly people will start to doubt it’s effectiveness in their own lives and give up something that could eventually become very fruitful.
If you really want to experience a massive change in the way you feel about yourself you need to get out of the jail that has been holding hostage for too long, and that is the self. Get out of your self! Then get yourself immersed into being of service to someone else. Not only will it minimize the amount of time spent in your low worth thinking, but the rewards of easing someone else’s pain or putting a smile on their face impacts you immediately. You’d be amazed how far this easily repeatable step can take you in life, when it is practiced daily.
Coach Caroyln thinks that in order to gain self-confidence we need to:
“Be focussed on what you want to do. From doing the dishes to creating a huge Organization.
Personally, I feel self esteem can encompass how we see ourselves; our self worth for example…and how confident we feel in our abilities. I believe when we “do” we feel so much better. When we sit and think about our situation, or compare to someone else’s successes, or when we spend hours on social media seeing everyone else’s ‘perfect’ days, it can sometimes make us feel less then others: less successful, less worthy, less able.
But when we have a plan…get up and work at it and each day take a step toward perfecting this, we feel we are achieving something (and whether it works or not in the beginning…we have learnt something to keep us going).
I speak to so many people who when the “just sit” and check out social media for hours as is possible to do – they compare themselves to all they see and their self esteem plummets; yet what they don’t understand is the posts of others are just snippets of their lives. No one knows the stories behind the pictures and quite frankly we all put our best foot forward to show all we are excelling at on social media; how happy we are and more, no? So….for those people needing a boost of self esteem; sitting still….checking out social media for hours is not the way to go.
Plan your dreams and wishes…..focus on one step to get you started – and start DOING. The minute you begin working towards your goal – of any kind, big or small (it’s important to YOU so it’s important).
Whatever you are trying to do – even if it’s just getting to of bed in the morning, it’s important to DO something, achieve something; be proud of something (and can I throw in there to not compare yourselves with others? Everyone has their problems; no lives are perfect; so focus on your life only…not comparing it with someone else’s and especially what you see on social media).”
Jeff is a personal finance evangelist. After paying off his student loans and beginning to invest he became passionate about sharing financial best-practices with anyone willing to listen. Jeff oversees content at BrightPlan and currently holds the FINRA Series 65 License.
One of Jeff’s life goals is to run the Kauai Marathon.
Here is what Jeff says:
One easy way to build confidence today is to break down a big obstacle into a series of small steps. Anyone can become intimidated when faced with a massive hurdle. Landing a dream job, writing your book, losing the weight, paying off debt. When that happens the best thing to do is to reframe the problem.
When everything in you is saying, “I can’t” focus instead on what you can do today. Take your eyes off the finish line and identify the next step. Maybe you can’t lose the weight today. But you can take a walk with a friend or create a meal plan for the week. The book won’t be done tomorrow, but I can set a timer right now and write for 30 minutes. Then celebrate the small win and do it again tomorrow.
Stacy is a Dark-skinned, plus-sized, 20-something on a mental and physical journey towards self-acceptance. Converting minimalist. Aspiring traveler. Writer, marketer and tech addict. Poor (according to world standards), unemployed, and living in a “third world” country (Jamaica).
You can find out more about her on her blog here.
Stacy-Ann has some fantastic advice for growing self-confidence and upping self esteem:
“Take the area that you feel least confident about, whether it’s your body, your personality, your intelligence, etc, and challenge yourself for thirty days to find something you like about it.
For example, if it’s your body, stare in the mirror for as long as it takes each day until you can pick one area that you like or appreciate and why. Then write it down. (This is key!) If it’s your intelligence, just think about one area or thing that you know better than most people. It doesn’t have to be something written in a book, just something. Anything. Write that down.
After thirty days, look back at your list and realize how many things there are to appreciate and how often we can hurt ourselves by just thinking something that, when put on paper, isn’t actually true. Keep that list and look back at it whenever you need inspiration or uplifting. Repeat the process with different areas of your life as many times as you wish.”
Dan shared these comments on building self-confidence:
“First, think about a time when you felt extremely confident. For example, I played baseball as a kid, and at the age of 13 I threw a no-hitter. Yes, it was mostly luck, but I’m still proud of it!
I think back to that day and imagine myself throwing pitch after pitch over the plate for a strike. I feel what it was like to be pitching better than I ever had before. I hear the sound of the ball as it hits the catcher’s mitt, and smell the popcorn in the stands. This memory puts me into a state of peak confidence. What I am really after is what is called the “flow state.”
This is the state Michael Jordan was in when he scored over 60 points in a game, and it is a state of supreme confidence. By mentally going back to that baseball game, I can recapture some of the peak state I was in that day.
Perhaps you won a writing contest in school, or were praised by your favorite teacher. Any memory can work, as long as it is a memory of a time when you felt extreme confidence.”
Ciara Conlon is a coach, author and motivational speaker. She helps people just like you live more authentic lives, become more successful and happier at work and life, and find time to fit it all in.
You can find out more about her on her website right here.
Ciara shares her thoughts:
Dr. Victor is an expert on well-being, communication, and conflict management. Building and repairing relationships through how we listen and speak to others.
You can find more about him on his blog, Animity Health, right here.
Dr. Victor shares his thoughts that becoming more confident is a journey:
Jessica is a career and small business coach for creative thinkers and passionate people who want to stop being bored at work and find out what is possible for them. You can find out more about her at www.wishingwellcoach.com.
Jessica believes in the power of challenge:
“When someone with low self-esteem is trying to improve self confidence, they should try to set up challenges for themselves that are just challenging enough that they think they can succeed, but also that when they do succeed, they will feel an increase in their confidence.
This might include things like talking to someone new, tackling an adventure on their own, or solving a problem they didn’t know how to solve before. If you can set up your challenges to align with how your self-esteem is low (maybe you think you’re not likable) you can start to prove to yourself that your perceptions about yourself are false, and build the confidence muscle.”
Phil believes the low self esteem can be conquered by following this advice:
“Stop shooting for perfect and learn to embrace your best. Trying to be perfect is going to keep you stuck in the mud and feeling like you’re always falling short – when in reality you’re not.
People who try to be perfectionists beat themselves up for not living up to a standard they set that isn’t even attainable because they move the goalposts anyway when they get close. Sound familiar? Settle for your best. Or the best you have time for, or good enough. Instead of procrastinating and not finishing a task because you’re telling yourself you can’t, just do it.
Ask yourself why it needs to be perfect. Are you trying to impress others? Are you avoiding doing something because you are afraid of being embarrassed, or failing?
The root cause is likely a confidence or self-esteem issue, and you’ll never break the cycle without settling for less. And trust me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Everyone breaks this habit in different ways. Maybe you just need to give yourself a pep talk. Maybe, you need to confide in friends or just do something out of your comfort zone and see the results.
Whatever it is, take that first step today.”
Angela believes in teaching you to speak intuition, trust it & make the right decisions to create the great life & business you crave. #PoweredbyIntuition.
You can find out more about her on her site here.
Angela shares the power of meditation:
“If you have low self-esteem develop a practice of daily meditation. With low self-esteem you often beat yourself up with deeply ingrained negative habitual thoughts. Perpetual thoughts such as, “I’m not good enough,” and “I’m not smart enough” and “I’m going to fail” keep your self-esteem low. With meditation you’ll start noticing these thoughts and as you do you can logically refute them by reminding yourself of all the reasons they’re untrue.
Think of all the reasons you are “good enough” or “smart enough” and all the things you’ve done where you succeeded. Daily meditation helps you eliminate these negative beliefs. Replace them with positive beliefs about yourself and your self-esteem will rise. It only takes around 20 hours of cumulative meditation to instill physiological changes to the neural pathways in the brain which is a mere three weeks or six weeks depending on how long you meditate daily.
Just think of how freeing it would be to no longer be plagued by these self-sabotaging inner voices? What could you do that you’re not doing now that you’ve held yourself back from accomplishing? Higher self-esteem is your ticket to freedom and living up to your full potential; go for it!”